This past week, I finished 2 projects.
A pillow for my sister's new bedroom. I have another pillow to make for her as well. I just have ADD with my crocheting and seem to have to work on 2 or 3 projects at a time, so it takes a while to finish anything unless I'm freaking out excited about it.
And my fancy yarn shawl. I haven't blocked it yet, and really can't think of why I really need a shawl, but it's finished and it's pretty. And Izzy is probably the coolest 9 year old I know. I wish I were as cool as Izzy.
I'm very frustrated with myself. I've been so lazy lately. I have all these intentions.... I need to do yoga Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday.... Walk at home video Monday and Wednesday.... go on my long walks Saturday and Sunday morning. But the time comes and I am too tired, or want to sleep in or need to finish this thing or another up. Tomorrow I'll be back on track. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. And I tell myself to sit down and plan out a better plan for meals for the next week and then, all of a sudden, it's Saturday and time to go grocery shopping and I have no plan and no time to do much more than slap together a list of the usual stuff.
I have to do it though. If I don't, in April, when my A1C hasn't come back down, he's going to jack up my insulin, and that shtuff is ridiculously expensive. Not to mention all the admittedly more important reasons of, you know, my health and all that.
I know I need to do these things. I know exactly what to do. It's not a matter of ignorance. I just don't do it and I can't explain it. It's so incredibly frustrating. I should be kicking ass.... I've done it before. I think back to when I was losing weight before and try to think of why I could do it then, but not now. What was the difference?
In December, when the doctor put me on antidepressants, he suggested that I go to counselling, and maybe he's right. Maybe I could figure out where that switch is and turn it back on.
I'm also very jealous.... I have followed the Do Life. page on Facebook for a while. Ben was quiet for a while because he gained a lot of weight back, but he's back at it and now he's started an enormous adventure: walking across the country. Last year, I followed a guy named Ryan Ray as he did the same thing. I just think that has to be the absolute coolest thing ever. I would do that in a heartbeat. But, of course, it's easier for guys to do things like that. They don't face the same dangers that I, as a woman, would. They have a far easier time peeing on the side of the road. They don't have a period to deal with every month. Or maybe I'm just looking for reasons why I couldn't do it, because it's such a monumental task. I mean, I couldn't do it for quite a few years... I couldn't be away from my kids for months on end until they're much, much older, obviously, but still.... it would be amazing.